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February 21st, 2007
10:10 am - move
I'm moving to richmond today! I'm just waiting for my mom to get me...that won't be for awhile because she is always late and takes her time with everything well mostly when it comes to doing things for me, she does this. I just want to leeave, i'm sick of being in this house. There has been alot of things going on with my family and i just want to get away from it. Neema isn't coming back from Spain, he will come back to visit but he's going to live there for three more years. I miss him so much, i know he's happy there but i can't help but feel selfish and wanting him to come home.
Its really strange, me my mom and my brother have never been apart and now all three of us are going our seperate ways. its all just very strange.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/peaceful.gif) good
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January 11th, 2007
03:52 pm
I'm in new jersey airport right now, waiting for my flight to dc. I hate new jersey with a passion. Barcelona was crazy..i had alot of ups and downs with my brother..i'm sad to say it felt like there were more downs. but the ups were amazing. it feels very strange being back in the states and its a new year. i don't know what to expect, but i hope everything works out.
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November 12th, 2006
05:08 am
its 4:00 AM...i have to be at work at 5:30 AM. seriously nobody should have to be awake right now.
I have three days off this week, that has never happend unless i ask. and i didn't ask!
I've been making alot of mix cds lately.
I'm almost done getting my shit together, like my portfolio and everything else.
I'm going to Barcelona for 3 weeks in december.
At work, i started serving..pretty exciting.
On my first day serving, i got a love note from a guy i served haha it said "Thanks You're Cool" the thing is i didn't even really talk to the guy and everytime i tried to he just looked scared. haha. people are odd.
Finally i'm not as sick, but i still am not over this horrible cold.
I'm probably not getting better because all i do is work and i don't eat properly or get a proper amount of sleep.
I need a new book to read.
I think i'll finally clean my room and do laundry today.
I'm working on this painting/collage...i'm still not satisfied with it...i'll give it a few more days.
Today...well yesterday i guess, was incredibly weird. I just had an odd erie feeling all day..i felt like crying and being alone. I thought talking to myles would make me feel better, but it didn't..it seemed like he was in a weird mood also. The whole day i was thinking how i just need courtney, i called her to tell her about how weird i felt and she said she was feeling the same exact way. i hate that she and i can't always be around eachother, things just make sense and i feel balanced. somehow she and i are on the same page with everything..to a point its creepy.
all i want is to be hanging out with my best friend.
Current Music: colours - hot chip
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September 19th, 2006
06:56 pm
i am so freaking tired.
i need a clone so it will go to work for me tomorrow morning.
this job is making me really hate people, because honestly humans are so fucking stupid.
finally got a huge paycheck, so it makes me not hate those stupid people too much.
i want fall weather, instead of this weird hot weather and random rain. maybe that is fall weather..but not to me.
only 10 days till i go visit richmond!
i need to get my cat spayed she's going crazy
i need more sleep.
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August 7th, 2006
07:54 pm
finding a job has been so incredibly hard, its so hard to find a job in dc. my parents and family shit lately have been well...shitty. my grandparents are fighting, i'm trying to figure out my life and save money to move out. neema is moving to barcelona august 30th. i'm trying to work on my art portfolio. my sewing machine is still broken. ahhhhhh!! i just need to find a job and save money and its been the hardest thing ever.
on a good note, courtney came to dc and it was the best time. i already miss her. hopefully i will get my shit together this week and i can go to richmond to see some friends. i just need things to work out.
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July 22nd, 2006
03:23 am
i'll tell you why i don't want to know where you are
i got a joke i been dying to tell you
a silent kid is looking down the barrel
to make the noise that i kept so quiet
i kept it from you, pitseleh
i'm not what's missing from your life now
i could never be the puzzle pieces
they say that god makes problems
just to see what you can stand
before you do as the devil pleases
and give up the thing you love
but no one deserves it
the first time i saw you i knew it would never last
i'm not half what i wish i was
i'm so angry
i don't think it'll ever pass
and i was bad news for you just because
i never meant to hurt you
- pitseleh, elliott smith
somehow this song in a few different ways relates to me and him...just a few parts really.
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July 19th, 2006
09:57 pm
So i've been in LA for the past 3 weeks, its been pretty awsome. i love California so much. I've been working at my fashion internship, my boss is fucking out of his mind..such a crazy man. But its all been pretty good. I'm trying to figure out my life, and what i want to do with it. Neema moves to barcelona at the end of august, i'm going to miss him so much. But i plan on going there to visit him so its all good. I go back to dc on sunday, i guess i'm excited to go back home..i miss my mom and neema and some of my friends there. Hopefully i will be able to make a trip to richmond to see my peoples. who knows.alright well i'm going to go out, just thought i'd do alittle update.
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June 3rd, 2006
02:39 am - rant rant rant...
its been quite some time since the last i've updated...i'll try and get better at it. Things are just weird right now, so much is happening but at the same time not much is going on at all.
Happening:
-Tagge left for England..and is gone forever
-Neema is moving to Barcelona
-I'm done with high school..forever:
Okay so there is that. Lately things at home have been terrible, my dad is a jerk all the time. he doesn't even say hello to me when i come home or walk in a room, i say hello and he just sits and glares at me. i don't get it. he calls my mom and complains about me says i'm trouble..honestly i'm a good kid, yeah i have my problems with drinking and doing drugs but i'm not stupid about it. Not being sober sometimes gets me through the day in this house. Plus my mom knows everything i do, because i tell her i have nothing to hide. If i still lived with my mom things would be alot better, my relationship with my dad would probably be better also. oh well, soon i will move out.
I miss kenny and mike more than anyone right now. i haven't spoken to mike in awhile and its really upsetting me...i've tried calling him so many times. Kenny comes to dc tomorrow to play a show at the warehouse next door. I'm so proud of him, his band is doing so well and he got a job! he's my other brother and he's just so great. I'm going to richmond next week, and i can't wait to spend time with them. and i'm so excited to see courtney and michelle its been too long. i'm going to try and hang out with Isaac too, he's been my friend since i was 11 and we've always stayed close...i haven't seen him in a year which makes me sad so i need to hang out with him, we've been talking alot more recently..we go through phases of talking often to not talking at all..and we've somehow still stayed close.
Its 2:48 AM..and i'm rambling about everything right now.
Yesterday was terrible...i'd rather not explain it all because i'm just not up for it. But in good news, in July i'm flying out to LA to work with my aunt who is in the fashion industry, and then we will fly out to NY and i'm going to help with fashion week, how bloody amazing is that? i really can't wait.
i think this is it for now..this is so long.
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May 18th, 2006
09:26 am
i'm being stupid and being paranoid about everything..you name it and its bothering me. I'm worried that katie might not be able to move out, i'm worried i might not be able to go to tokyo. i'm worried about jobs. and stupidly enough i'm getting worried about the guy i like at the moment..but really i shouldn't worry and get paranoid. I don't know whats wrong with me...maybe i need some sleep? Mike is coming to DC tomorrow, i'm excited to see him, i wish kenny was coming with him. But i might see Kenny on saturday cause i'm going to see the strokes..again! Gives me a good excuse to come see my lovely friends. I wish things would just work out..i mean everything is going to be okay it always ends up working out i guess. I need to stop letting myself get worked up over the smallest things, its become a bad habit.
Current Music: The Fall - I Can Hear The Grass Grow
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May 4th, 2006
10:38 am
Tuesday i went to the hospital, because i've been having really bad stomach pains..the whole time my dad was being a complete dickhead. he was just being really mean to me saying that i was making it all up. I don't get what his problem is. And they couldn't figure out what was making my stomach have pains
I think me and Katie (nemick) found an apartment..its really cute..i found one thats alittle cheaper, i have to show her. I'm selling almost anything i have that i know is worth something..my guitar my stereo. I wish someone would buy my guitar, i might have to take it to a guitar store and see if they'll buy it off me. A few friends of mine are helping me with money too..i wish my parents would help me out alittle bit. My mom can't help me she's trying to support herself, she works two jobs and is having a hard time..she needs to save to move also. I wish my dad wasn't so difficult to live with/deal with. Once i move things will be better, i will just have to find a job, the first few months will be pretty rough..but its worth it in the end. There is just so many things i need to figure out and its so stressful and frustrating when my dad won't help me out. I've applied to so many jobs, i've called back but nobody wants to hire me here. Finding a job in DC is pretty difficult for some reason...i'm supposed to be working at this coffee shop, the guy said igot the job but he never called me to tell me when to work..sort of weird, i need to go back and see what is up with that.
i need things to start looking up, i need someone in my family to support me.
Current Music: Don't Ask - Grizzly Bear
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April 17th, 2006
01:12 am
I'm going to Tokyo July 6th. How mad is that?? I'm going with Elena. It is going to be absolutely brilliant, i mean tokyo is an insane city and she lives right in the clubbing district...we are going to party so much. The stories she's told me of times she's gone to tokyo to visit her dad are so insane. I can't wait. I love everything japanese this is going to be just amazing.
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/stars/energetic.gif) excited
Current Music: the spinto band - trust vs. mistrust
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March 30th, 2006
10:44 pm - blah blah blah
So last weekend i went to richmond, had a smashing time. I love my friends very much. All week i have been talking to my parents about moving back...and my dad said he'd rather send me off to paris for a year, and honestly that is an amazing thing. but i am not ready. i want to save money and if i go to europe i want to go to art school, and i don't have a portfolio ready so i want to take a year off to do that, and i can't live with my dad anymore it'll be a bloody mess. Its time i get out on my own it really is. Richmond is extremely cheap to live, and i can have a cute ass apartment with my best friend and save money at the same time..then i can move to london which is where i really want to go. I had dinner with my mum tonight and we discussed it, she feels i have too much talent to move to richmond, i undnerstand where she is coming from and i kept saying i won't be stuck and i don't plan on staying there long, she said she'd think it over and i am just praying she will agree with me. If they don't, i see myself entering myself in a mental institute cause living with my dad will send me there. Especially since my mom is moving to Santa Fe. I just hope things turn out the way i want. Cause for the first time i am extremely clear on my decision. And yeah i know richmond is a black hole and i am afraid of moving forward but i'm going with my intuiton, and i guess we'll see what happens. I am extremely worried and frustrated about my future that i can't sleep and my anxiety is getting worse. hoorah!
Current Music: Arctic Monkeys - Fake Tales of San Francisco
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March 7th, 2006
09:42 am
I'm in class right now, really don't feel like doing work. last weekend was alot of fun. I can't wait to finish school i'm so sick of waking up at 6 in the morning then going home and sleeping till 7 pm then doing work until 3 in the morning. I want Kenny to come to DC again, i felt like i didn't get to spend enough time with him. I want to go to richmond for spring break or something..i miss all my friends. If i go i'll probably take elena and matthew with me...that would be wicked. Its 9:44 AM...and i have about 4 more hours of school left. I think school is slowy making me go insane.
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February 14th, 2006
09:14 pm
So its valentines day, spent all day in bed..went to school threw up came home and just slept. i don't know why i keep getting so sick. its seriously time to go to the doctors. I feel very alone today, maybe its because of valentines day..who knows. i don't like feeling alone, i was pretty much straned at school today..nobody came to get me from school...so i walked 15 minutes to the metro feeling like chunning the whole time i was walking there. i just didn't know where to go...go home get yelled at for getting sick? can't go to my moms becuase her boyfriend is there, laure had school...matthew was asleep, max and tagge live too far from a metro..and brent is out of town. I ended up going home even though that was the last place i wanted to be...got yelled at and just slept. I don't understand the rage my dad has..he yells at everything it really bothers me. I'm so worried about school and if i'm going to graduate. i want to move to europe. maybe life would be easier if i just left and started completly new..get rid of things i have and just start over.
i want to start over, there is too much i regret i feel stuck. i don't know where i'm heading anymore.
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February 13th, 2006
07:17 am
i never update anymore, i'll try and start doing it more often. its 7:18 AM i just found out school is out today, and i couldn't be happier. my ankle is fucked up again..well it never healed correctly and yesterday i sort of almost fell but twisted my ankle weirdly so now its killing me, it was hurting so bad last night it started swelling up and turning purple. i asked my dad to take me to the hospital because the pain was so bad...he said no.
i'm applying to this art school in california called Otis, its a really good school. i don't want to go to FIDM anymore, my aunt went there and she told me i wouldn't like it and i trust her judgement cause she and i are very similar. I've wanted to go to Otis for awhile so now i'm just working on a portfolio..and i'm applying to an art school in london. how crazy would that be if i moved to london? i don't know if i would be able to do it.
its really early, i'm going back to sleep.
Current Music: the go! team - panther dash
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January 10th, 2006
07:44 pm - pictures!
mr.brent!
tagge,julia,max
max blowing a kissy
jula, me, brent (i think i'm the only drunk person in this picture)
my blurry face and tagge
brent and julia
julia and max, i don't know whats going on here.
this weekend there iwll be more pics because of the Fancy Dress party! :)
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December 11th, 2005
08:42 pm
so i had a weird weekend. friday was fun but had its extremely weird weird moments. everytime something got close to happening with tagge someone walked in the damn room. there is always next weekend. So far i've done two paintings that means 10 more to go. i'm not feeling very inspired at the moment, i think i need to make a trip to the museums. I got a new cell phone, and its the Motorola Razor phone, and i think its really sexy. I might be going to london in the spring time. Winter break is coming really soon...time is flying by so fast. I wanted time to fly by, but now that it is i don't like it very much. all the time i just wanted to graduate leave and be on my own, and for once i can say i'm happy with my life right now and with all my friends. And you know what i'm going to miss DC alot when i leave, and i'm going to miss my little group of friends here alot..its funny how the only way you really appreciate something is when you know its going to be gone soon. I miss katie alot too, i'm going to call her soon. I really want to see Nicole, i feel like i haven't seen or talked to my boo in forever not acceptable!
well i have to go write a short story so i'm going to go do it..
Current Music: T-rex - Thunderwing
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November 27th, 2005
08:21 pm
So this weekend was pretty weird...friday night went to max's party, got really drunk...did something i can't believe happend, walked to brents house with brent,phil and bliss..crazy boys, spent the night at brents with phil and the three of us ate and watched movies and slept till 12. Saturday did nothing until about 7:30,went to Elena's house hung out with her and julia and some other kids that they were friends with. We smoked up at Elena's but only she and i kept smoking the whole night, it was really funny because we were on the same page the whole time and laughed at the same things and confused everyone. Hung out with miss laure this weekend, as always its fun. Tagge was in england this weekend, he's coming back this week i think. I've been trying to go to richmond this weekend, and hopefully i'll be able to go still. if not i'll be pretty sad, and i know kenny will be too. i need to go to richmond i miss courtney and michelle and kenny sooo much.
soo yeah i just felt like updating i feel like i never do anymore.
the end.
Current Music: modern girl - sleater kinney
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08:17 pm - pictures from this weekend
laure being a creep.
max doing a Stella commercial
matthew, phil, and brent
what we eat every single day..oi chipotle.
my most recent painting..still needs some touch ups.
Current Music: sweet year old - shudder to think
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November 19th, 2005
11:58 am - ben tagged me!
okay so 7 songs i've been listening to
1) Karen Revisited - Sonic Youth
2) Noah's Ark - Cocorosie
3) Angeles - Elliott Smith
4) Trapeze Swinger - Iron and Wine
5) Sewn Up - Rouge Wave
6) You Wouldn't Like Me - Tegan and Sara
7) First Day Of My Life - Bright Eyes
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ihopeshescaught's journal